Word Count: 1,405
Rating: R
Category: Humour
Notes: Written for Springtime Gen 2010 Fest.  Many thanks to Luvscharlie and Ayla Pascal for betaing this!
Summary: A gathering amongst friends must always include alcohol . . .
Pairing: None
Warnings: Plenty of alcohol consumption and obscenities.
Dedications: Ojuzu
Completed Date: April 18, 2010

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Nothing is stronger than habit. — Ovid

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Theodore walked into the noisy pub, which was filled with smoke, loud music, and people yelling at the top of their lungs. But he ignored all the noise pollution, and he headed directly for the two people sitting off in the corner.

“You’re late,” Pansy said icily, her red lips quirking up into a dangerous smile.

“I’m sorry, Pansy, really. I was held up at work,” Theodore explained as he tiredly sat in his seat.

Rolling her eyes, Pansy looked at Blaise. “Why does he always come up with the lamest excuse? Couldn’t he just come up with something more exciting? Like maybe he was busy fucking the Minister’s private secretary or something? I mean, damn, that secretary is sex on legs, after all.”

“Pansy!” Theodore exclaimed, turning red. “Don’t be so crude!”

“And you need to stop being a sodding prude!”

“I think she’s got you there. If you keep acting like that, you’re never going to get sex with a bloke, much less a fucking blowjob,” Blaise surmised.

“Well, what do you guys want to drink? Since I’m the one who’s late with a lame excuse — by the way, I really was doing stuff at work — I’ll pay for the first round,” Theodore offered quickly. He’d hoped for his generosity to get them to forget about his sex life, and lucky for him, it worked.

Blaise rubbed his chin, and he looked towards the direction of the bar. “I think I’ll get some Captain Merlin and Coke.”

“Get me Boggarts Irish Cream with some vodka,” Pansy said.

“Okay, and I’ll get the Dwarvian Daniel’s on the rocks. Give me a sec.”

---

The next time they met up, Theodore arrived before Pansy. Blaise smirked at him. “You beat her highness today.”

“Which is unusual. I wonder what’s holding her up?” Theodore sat down next to Blaise. He lit up a cigarette, and he blew out the stream of smoke from his mouth. As he exhaled, he could feel his tension leaving him. “That hits the spot.”

Blaise gave him a stern look. “You still haven’t quit?”

“No, Father, I haven’t. Work’s been horrid. Just be glad you don’t work at the Ministry of Magic.”

“Yeah, well, I’m the lucky bloke who’s working for the goblins at Gringotts. Anyway, no need to get hissy, Theo. I’m only looking out after you since you’re incapable of taking care of yourself and getting a bloke in your lonely bed. I’m sure your only companion is your right hand. That is if you wank . . . ”

Theodore scowled at him. “How about this? One, keep your nose out of my private life. Two, I’ll quit smoking if you quit your philandering ways.”

“Who’s going to quit what?” Pansy asked, slipping into her seat.

“Oh, Blaise the Wise is on my case about smoking. So I told him I’ll quit if he quits his womanising ways,” Theodore explained.

Pansy snorted. “I cannot see neither of you two giving up your vices.”

“Well, then, we’re at a stalemate,” Blaise said with mirth. “Now, Pansy, why are you late?”

“I was busy at wo–” Pansy cut herself off and turned red. “Shite, fine. I won’t give you a hard time next time about your fucking excuses, Theo.”

Theodore grinned smugly at her. “Brilliant. So now it’s your turn to buy the first round.”

“Yeah, shut up. It’s not my fault Madam Malkin’s robes shop was busy today, so you don’t need to gloat about it. What do you boys want?”

---

“Man, I hate my fucking arsehole of a boss! I really hate him! I wished he’d just piss off and die in a ditch or something! Fucking arse will always be an arse! Why am I stuck with such a bloody infantile bastard?!” Theodore’s voice grew louder at each word, but nobody else around them heard his complaints since he and his friends always cast a Silencing Charm around their area.

Pansy and Blaise exchanged a look. Pansy cleared her throat and said, “Why in Salazar’s name do you only swear when you’re pissed?”

“I’m not pissed.” But even as he said that, he could feel the beginning of a headache in the back of his head, but he still drank his drinks and chain smoked his cigarettes. His boss had really given him a miserable time today.

“Sorry, Theo, but you are,” Pansy affirmed.

“When you start shouting out obscenities, then we know for sure you’re pissed. I guess you being a swearing drunk is much better than a crying drunk or an angry drunk,” Blaise prattled on.

“And you start yapping on like you’re on some Acceleration Charm,” Theodore retorted, wondering why his friends didn’t get pissed as fast as he did.

“Which isn’t a bad thing. At least it still pulls the birds.”

A loud “thump” and a loud “Fucking hell, Pansy, your stilettos are wickedly painful! It’s obvious that you’re an evil drunk” meant that Pansy had kicked Blaise’s leg under the table. Theodore started to laugh. “You fucking deserved that. You know she hates that term.”

“What the fuck is wrong with ‘birds’?” Blaise asked as he rubbed his leg.

“It’s degrading. End of story,” Pansy deadpanned. Then, in a sweet voice, she continued, “Now, would you be so kind as to get me another drink?”

As Blaise limped off to the bar, Theodore turned to Pansy. “So back to that bollocks-brained boss of mine . . . ”

---

“Where the fuck is that Blaise?” Pansy muttered.

“Who knows? Maybe a pretty bi– I mean a pretty lady captured his eyes?” Theodore amended.

“Well, if he uses the whole work excuse, then it’s official. We’re all fucking workaholics, and we take turns doing so.”

“Well, at least working hard gives us money. Even if our bosses don’t seem to appreciate our efforts,” Theodore mused sullenly, remembering his boss’ attitude from before.

“True, but we don’t really need to work.” Pansy studied her manicured nails. “But it does get bloody boring staying at home all the time. I don’t understand how Astoria can do that since she married Draco.”

“She’s happy, at least.”

“I guess, but I’d rather work even if I get married. I don’t want to depend on a man.”

“Not even for shagging?” Blaise asked, walking up to their table.

There was a perilous glint in Pansy’s eyes. “That’s different, and you know it. And where the fuck have you been?”

“No need to be bitchy, Pans. I had to write up about a thousand reports at Gringotts today, so . . . yeah. Work got me, too. Those goblins can be quite nasty when things go astray.” Blaise gave them a sheepish grin. “I’ll go get our drinks. Give me your list, lady and gentleman.”

---

“I just noticed something,” said Theodore. “We always seem to drink whenever we get together.”

“So?” Blaise and Pansy asked, both taking sips of their drinks.

Theodore shrugged. “Does that mean we’re alcoholics?”

“Nothing’s wrong with drinking,” Pansy announced.

“It’s not like we start a bar fight, so no, I don’t think we’re that bloody close to becoming alcoholics,” Blaise said in his deep voice, sounding very sensible despite his slight slur.

“You’re nuts for even saying such an appalling accusation, Theo,” Pansy reprimanded.

“It was just an observation!” Theodore defended.

“Relax, will you?” Pansy said, brushing her hair back. “You’re such an uptight git at times.”

Blaise sniggered as he looked down at his empty tumbler. “I’m done with my drink. Since I don’t want to be labelled as pissed fucker, should I just get a glass of milk instead?”

“I think orange juice is more your calling,” Theodore said dryly.

“Naw, I’ll settle for banging Captain Merlin and Coke.” Blaise made a face at the mention of orange juice.

“I’d love for my tongue to have an orgasm with another Boggarts and vodka,” Pansy said.

“And I will get pissed on Mr Dwarvian Daniel’s,” Theodore declared, giving a mock salute towards the bottle of whiskey at the bar.

All three of them shared a conspiratorial look, and they burst out laughing. Although none of them would ever admit it out loud, Theodore knew that they all enjoyed these meetings. It was a time for them to get together and snark amongst themselves, giving them a chance to be who they really are with no fear of repurcussion. This was real friendship.