Sirius scowled at James, who at the moment was too busy laughing his head off to even notice the angry look.

“James? Shut it! I swear, mate, your laugh is like a bloody foghorn!”

“Sorry, sorry,” James said, still laughing, his upper body bent over as he heaved for breath. “It’s just that . . . I can’t see you playing the piano, ever! Wearing all those poncy looking dress robes at recitals . . . that’s just fucking brilliant. I bet you looked like a right stiff in those!”

“The dress robes were not poncy looking!”

“Don’t lie! I’ve seen your dress robes before, the ones your mum made you wear. They were quite horrid, with all those frills, so I’m imagining the recital ones to be even worse!”

Sirius groaned and banged his head on the closed cover of the piano keys, ignoring his pounding headache and wondering why he was an idiot to tell James about his piano skills. He hadn’t meant to tell James this. In fact, he’d never wanted to tell any of his friends, but it’d just accidentally come out when he and James had discovered a rather dusty and neglected piano in the back of the Potter family’s house.

As James continued to laugh like a twit, Sirius took a seat on the hard, cold bench and turned his glare at the piano. It was a grand piano, black, looking forlorn and unused, but he could see that it was majestic back in the day when it was still being played. The upright piano at his former home was nothing compared to this beauty in front of him. It just needed some cleaning to be grand once more.

Wordlessly, he lifted the cover up, and he stared at the ivory keys, impressed that they hadn’t yellowed with age, and the black keys that punctuated the overall appearance. He glided his fingers over the smooth and cold keys, and he mentally began to hum a song, a Beethoven sonata he loved, and he could see the notes arrange themselves in front of him as his fingers moved on their own to their starting positions. His right foot found the pedal it automatically sought out, and he began to play.

He could no longer hear James’ loud laughter; he only heard the song that was coming from the piano, the song he was playing from memory and from his heart. Yes, he’d always hated those recital outfits, and he didn’t want to admit he could play since it was something his parents had forced him into, but despite everything, he loved the piano. It was an outlet for him and it was something that allowed him to be him.

When he came to the end of the song, he stilled his hands, his fingers still curved, and he opened his eyes. He glanced at James, whose mouth was opened wide, whose eyes were large behind his spectacles.

Sirius broke the silence. “Well?”

James closed his mouth and a slow smirk came onto his lips. “Well, poncy or not, I’m impressed!”

“Only impressed?” Sirius raised his eyebrow, moved the bench back a bit, and pulled James in front of him. He tugged James’ head close to his and said, “How about I show you another use for a piano . . . which will leave you not only impressed, but it will be a concerto for you to remember?”

“You seem too cocky about that,” James quipped back.

“Cocky? Why, Prongs, my boy, that’s an excellent choice of word.” Sirius moved until only a hair separated his and James’ lips. “An excellent choice.”

“Well, Padfoot, will you just fucking snog me already?”

Sirius pushed James back, ignoring the loud cacophony James’ arse made on the key. “I will, but I want to hear you serenade me . . . with your arse. And then I want you to give me a wonderful cantata of how much you worship me when I suck that gorgeous cock of yours.”

He heard James’ breath hitch. “Fine, Sirius, fine. If it’s a sexy symphony you want, then I’ll give you one hell of a show.”

Two days went by after the death of the Potters and the downfall of Voldemort. Despite the good weather and the merry celebration of wizards and witches, it was a dark, bleak time for several people. Sirius Black was now under the custody of the Ministry officials for killing Peter Pettigrew and for betraying the Potters. Relatives of Pettigrew were all in despair for him being dead, yet they knew he had died with honour due to the receiving of the Order of Merlin. The Dursleys were furious about having to raise Lily’s strange, unusual child.

There was one other person who didn’t get into the spirit of gaiety. Remus Lupin apparated into the Shrieking Shack with a heavy heart. There was a loud pop, and he looked around the old, familiar place. The first thing he noticed was that the place had not changed since he had left Hogwarts. The scratches on the floor from his claws remained the same; the room was still dark with all the boarding on the windows; the chair in the middle was ripped up; the bed in the centre was the only thing in the room still intact and not damaged. Nothing had changed. Within seconds, memories clashed in his mind, and he started a lengthy monologue, talking to no one in particular, but to himself.

“James and Lily…dead. I can’t believe it. Sirius betrayed them. Then again, Sirius was never good with keeping secrets, was he?” Remus paced around the room with a tense expression.

“Sirius and I had our differences, but why would he join Voldemort and betray his best friend? After doing that damage, he killed Peter. Why? What went wrong? Wait. I’m fooling myself. The whole prank was what went wrong. Because of that, our friendship was strained, and everything since changed. Including the relationship between James and myself…”

Without realising his actions, Remus had walked over to the bed and sat on it. Tenderly he stroked the sheets. Memories flooded into him. “James…”

“Remy?” James poked his head into the dorm room and looked around. He only saw Sirius sitting glumly on his bed. Sirius attempted to do his Potions assignment but couldn’t concentrate. Glancing toward the door, Sirius said, “He’s not here.”

James let out a huge sigh of frustration. He then stepped into the room, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it. “Bugger.” James paused before asking, “Any idea where he might be? I mean I checked every possible location such as the library, main hall, classrooms after classrooms, even Hagrid’s hut, and he’s nowhere to be found.”

Sirius didn’t say anything.

“Damn, Filch. Why did he have to take our map? That’d be so helpful now.”

Another round of silence elapsed. James glared at Sirius. “Don’t you care about Remus at all?”

“Of course I care,” Sirius looked up with a surprised look. “But after trying to convince him for weeks that I am truly sorry about all this Snape crap and receiving the cold shoulder, I’ve left him alone.”

“You’ve left him alone? That’s nice, Padfoot. Real nice.”

“Well, what else am I supposed to do, Prongs?” Sirius got up from his bed and paced around the room. “I’ve tried, okay?”

James closed his eyes as he remembered how awful Remus had felt about the whole incident the day after. “Yes, you tried. While you may be giving up, I’m not.” James turned around and opened the door. He was surprised to see Peter outside. “Hey, Peter. Any idea where Moony is?”

Peter looked unsure. “I don’t know, James. He hardly has been around since that day. It’s been three weeks since it happened. I guess this hit him harder than we expected.”

Shrewdly, Peter looked hard at James and Sirius. “I have to admit it was scary. I never thought Remus would really lose control like that. He really seemed like a beast then…”

With a glare, James shoved him not so lightly. “He’s not a beast! He can’t help what he is!”

Peter whimpered pathetically and said, “I know. I’m not offending Remus, James. It’s just that … it was scary.”

“I guess so.” James walked around him and was about the descend the stairs when Peter piped up, “Maybe he’s at the shack. Maybe that’s a sanctuary for him.”

Stopping in his stride, James contemplated the last line. “Yes. Why didn’t we see this before? Peter, you are a genius for once.” Without another word, James dashed off to the shack.

Remus was on the floor, and he threw his Arithmancy book. He’d been working on his schoolwork all day in the shack. He was unable to really be with the other Marauders after all that had happened. He felt like a failure. Remus tried to talk with Severus about the whole incident, but Severus refused to listen or even be in the same proximity with him. Sirius was the cause of all this. During the first couple days, Remus felt anger toward one of his best friend. However as time passed by, the anger turned into something more of weariness. He couldn’t see Sirius, James, or Peter the same way anymore. In fact, he couldn’t view himself the previous way either.

“Remus,” he thought to himself, “you are nothing but a beast. You almost killed someone that day. Why can’t you have more control over yourself? The Ministry is right. All werewolves are killers with no concerns over their actions. I should be locked up, or maybe I should be killed instead.

“This shack is an excellent place to be locked up in. I should have done this sooner. Confine myself in this place and be a loner. Then I wouldn’t have been able to hurt anyone with my curse. Sirius… I was a fool to trust him. That means I’m a fool to trust the others too. Severus hates my guts now. Just when we were about to become friends.

“I can’t believe I almost killed him…and James. Thank goodness for James. If it wasn’t for him…James. How does he feel about me now that he has seen what I am capable of? Disgust? Most likely. I know Peter is frightened of me now. I can see it in his eyes. Sirius just wants to be forgiven, but he doesn’t realise the full circumstance of what he has done. James. I can’t figure him out. I don’t know if I want to know what he thinks of me. If he does think of me in a disgusting way, I don’t blame him. But to think that someone I love thinks of me that way. I’d rather not know.

“Who am I kidding? James Potter falling in love with a werewolf? I am just deluding myself. James, the star of our school wouldn’t want me. I am not worthy of him.”

Without realising it, out loud he said, “I am nothing.”

James paused at the opening to the shack when he heard Remus say the last statement. With a sudden surge of rage, he opened the door with a loud bang. Remus looked up in surprise, and then his eyes became shadowed. “What are you doing here, James?”

James gritted his teeth, and retorted, “What are you doing here, Remus?”

“I belong here.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?” Remus asked calmly, not looking up to meet James’ eyes.

“You do not belong here, Remus Lupin. Don’t you think like that.”

“Oh, but I do, James. Don’t deny it.”

Glaring, James walked up to him and yanked him off the floor. “I deny nothing. I’m speaking the bloody truth, and that means you Remus Lupin, belong with the rest of us. Not here.”

Remus let out a gasp when James forced himself to stand up. Now they were face to face, and Remus felt James’ hot breath on his cheek. “James…”

“I heard you before I came in, Remus. You are not a nothing. You are Remus Lupin.”

Remus shook his head. “No, James. No. I am not Remus Lupin. I’m an accursed, good for nothing beast.”

James stepped backward, and Remus felt disappointed from the loss of the warm body. “Remus. You may be a werewolf, but you didn’t ask to be one. If you had asked to be one, then that would make you a beast.”

Sighing, James stepped over to the bed and sat on it. “Quit belittling yourself, Remus. I want you to realise that confining yourself here isn’t going to change who or what you are. Sure the werewolf is a part of you, but I never see the werewolf in you. I just see Remus Lupin, fellow marauder in all the pranks we did, an excellent student who strives to learn knowledge, a wonderful friend who is always there for others, and a sensitive, young man.”

Remus didn’t say anything to James’ lengthy speech.

“Remus, don’t push us away. Don’t lock yourself up as a punishment. It’s not your fault. Sirius is really sorry.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you avoid all of us to avoid him?” James looked up at Remus’ face, wishing he’d make eye contact.

Remus stared off into space. “He may be sorry, but I don’t think I could ever trust him the way I did before. Nothing is the same anymore. That one night changed everything.”

“Including the relationship between you and me?” Remus startled and stared at James trying to decipher what James meant by that.

Looking away he answered, “Yes.”

James frowned at the answer. He walked up close to him once more, and he gently, but firmly, tilted Remus’ head up with his finger. “Then look at me and tell me that. Tell me we have changed.”

The energy between the two men was tense. Electrical current crackled in the small space between them, and all around them. James had a passionate expression on his face, totally opposite from Remus’ weary one. Remus opened his slightly to say something, but nothing came out. James suddenly felt dizzy, and well aware how close they were.

With James’ hand controlling his head, Remus looked into James’ spectacled eyes. “Yes.” And he leaned over the space and gently kissed James’ lip.

James let out a surprised gasp, and felt slightly disappointed when Remus quickly parted away from him. “Now everything has changed. Leave, James.”

“Remus…”

“Go.” This was said neutrally with no emotion behind it.

“You’re not going to give me a chance to tell you how I feel?” James refused to leave just yet.

“I know how you feel, James. This is not what you want.”

“You can’t know that. You could be wrong,” said James, stubbornly.

Remus turned his back to him. “Go. There is someone else out there for you.”

James began to plead, “Will nothing I say will change your mind?”

“Nothing. Go.”

James sighed heavily and left Remus alone. Before he left he said, “Just come back to us, okay? Quit staying in here.”

“Okay.”

James left.

Remus heard James’ footsteps dying away. Once he knew James was out of bound, he went over to the bed and sat on it.

“I did the right thing. He will go to Lily one day. Those two are destined to be together. If James and I were to be lovers, it wouldn’t work out. Yet, just kissing him gives me some pleasure. It satisfied my curiosity on how it feels to kiss him. But we can’t be together, and now our relationship is forever changed.”

He continued to sit on the bed, and he remained that way for a long time.

Remus jolted himself from the memories.

“James…” He curled himself up in a foetal position on the bed and began to weep. He cried for James and Lily, for Sirius and Peter, for Harry, and lastly for himself.

Remus loved jellybeans. Especially Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Jellybeans.

With the jellybeans involved, this was the only time Remus was thankful for being a werewolf and for the keen sense of smell that he had to his physiology. Thanks to it, Remus was able to sniff out the nasty flavoured ones to get to the good flavours.

As much as he loved those candies, he did not enjoy getting horrid flavoured ones such as snail and his least favourite: barf.

He had the most unfortunate opportunity to get a barf-flavoured jellybean the day before he was cursed. Afterward, he had the pleasure of picking out the good tasting ones. He would savour the small morsel in his mouth. They could be bright red, indicating country apple or maybe red pepper; or golden brown for caramel, which could be mistaken for ear wax; or light yellow to indicate lemon meringue pie or perhaps his other not-so-favourite, diarrhoea.

Before attending Hogwarts, several of the younger children in the neighbourhood always wondered how Remus was able to differentiate the good from the bad. They would always come up to him to sort out the jellybeans for them, and he’d do so. The younger children didn’t know about prejudice, so they’d come up to Remus and ask about the candies.

That was the only reason why they came up to him. Remus was quiet and shy. He was reserved compared to the other children, and he preferred solitude rather than socialising.

When he attended Hogwarts, he still kept to himself, but then the day came when he found out he could be mischievous too.

With their second-year classes through for the day, James walked into the dormitory he was sharing with Remus, Sirius, and Peter. He had received a parcel from his parents this morning, and one of the gifts he obtained was a small bag of Bertie Bott’s Jellybeans. He glanced and saw Remus, the quietest member of his dorm, on his bed as well, and he was studying.

Remus mystified James. Remus didn’t always join in with the group. He seemed like a lone wolf, the one who was too cautious to join. Like someone who was afraid to steal the cookie from a cookie jar for the fear of parents catching him. James tried his best to get Remus involved in whatever pranks he and the other two were involved in, but to no avail.

But James Potter hadn’t earned his stubborn reputation for nothing. He would get Remus to open up one day. With a smile that enhanced the golden sparks in his hazel eyes, he plopped onto his bed that was next to Remus’ (Sirius’ bed was on the other side).

“Hey, Remus.”

A small smile graced Remus’ face as he said, “Hello, James.”

“What are you doing right now?” James asked, opening up the small bag full of jellybeans.

“Doing my Defence Against the Dark Arts work.” Remus hesitated with shyness before asking, “Where are Sirius and Peter?”

“Oh, those two are serving a detention through dinner time. I sympathise with them, but at the same time, they should have been faster in the attempt to get away from Filch.” James sorted through the bag and picked out a grey-coloured jellybean.

Remus smelled the flavour and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

James looked bemusedly at his mate, “Why not?”

“It’s liver,” Remus replied just as James put it in his mouth. Remus stifled a laugh as James was coughing up a storm at the revolting taste.

A few minutes passed before James regained his composure. He waited for the taste to fade before looking back at Remus. “How did you know it was liver?”

“Oh! Erm . . . I just have a knack for knowing what they taste like since I ate those a lot when I was younger. Knowing the flavours has become second-nature for me.” Remus cursed himself for thinking up such a poor excuse. Luckily, James seemed to have bought the story.

“I see . . . ” James trailed off as a new prank came to his mind. “This might come in handy.”

Remus looked at him puzzled, “What?”

“Oh you will see.”

A couple of days passed. James and Sirius had found a secret passageway to Hogsmeade. They decided to use that, and with the pocket money they both had, they bought one big barrel of Bertie Bott’s Jellybeans and lugged it back to the dormitory. Sirius, who was bigger than James, carried the barrel full of the sweets, while James carried an empty barrel that was similar to the former.

Remus was in the dorm when they returned, and he raised both eyebrows at the sight. “What’s with that?”

“Could you do us a favour, Remus?” James asked after he and Sirius put the barrels down.

“Yes . . . ?” Remus had an idea what James was about to request of him.

“Could you separate the good ones from the bad ones . . . ?” James grinned sheepishly. “I’d do them myself, but I don’t have that instinct of yours.”

Remus bitterly wished he didn’t have that “instinct” either. “Oh, sure. What do you need all that for though?”

Sirius, who wasn’t known for subtleness blurted out, “You know how the Headmaster loves these? Well, we want to give him a gift.”

“Ah.” Remus nodded.

“We’d help you, but James and I need to go to the library and finish up our Transfiguration assignments.”

James quickly added, “You don’t have to do this, Remus.”

Remus eyed the barrels warily. He didn’t have any assignments to do; he’d finished them already. “Ah, what the heck. I’ve got nothing else to do.”

“Thanks, Remus!” James smiled brilliantly. “We owe you one!”

“No problem, now go do your assignment. I’d hate to see the head of our house come after you two.”

Sirius and James left the room. Remus stared at the barrels. “I have my suspicions that they are going to do more than just present this as a gift. They said they owe me . . . ”

Sirius, James, and Peter laughed as they walked up to the dorm. They were all laughing at their newest prank idea. Yet they silenced themselves as they entered the room because they didn’t want Remus to know what they were planning to do.

When they entered the room, they saw that Remus was done with the sorting. It had taken Remus about an hour and a half, and now he was just reading a book for pleasure. He looked up from the book when he heard them come in.

“All done.”

“Brilliant!” Sirius started to jump around in excitement. “So which one is the good one and which one is the bad one?”

Remus pointed to the right, “That’s the bad one.”

Nodding, the three glanced quickly at each other. “Alright. Thanks, Remus.” James grinned at him.

“Shall I go present the gift to the headmaster now?” Sirius asked, hardly containing his anticipation of what was to come.

“Yes, you may, Mr. Black. You have my permission to do so.” James smirked and watched Sirius scurry to the bad barrel. “I’ll be back!”

With Sirius gone, and Peter leaving to use the loo, Remus decided to ask, “Why did you guys want to present the headmaster with all of those bad beans?”

“Well since he always seems to have bad luck with the jellybeans, I thought we could present him a full barrel of bad luck. Too bad I won’t be able to see the look on his face. It’d be priceless.”

“I see,” Remus replied with a poker face. “It would be hilarious now, wouldn’t it?”

James nodded toward Remus and stared longer than necessary. “Thanks again. I’m going to get some snacks in the kitchen. I’ll bring back food for all of us.”

Remus nodded as James left the room.

Sirius and James came in from a heavy Quidditch practice. They were both craving something to chomp on, and they looked at the barrel of good jellybeans. Sirius looked at James, “Shall we kill that barrel now?”

“Why not. I am starving. Some sugar wouldn’t kill us.” James put his broom on the bed and sat on the floor, and Sirius followed along too.

“Thank Godric for Remus sorting these out.” James chose a white one. “Ah, I’m guessing this will be coconut.” He put in his mouth and chewed twice before stopping.

Sirius noticed the sudden halt and asked, “What?”

“This tastes like horseradish. I hate horseradish. I guess this one went past Remus.”

Shrugging, Sirius chose a cream-coloured jellybean that was speckled with brown spots. “Popcorn for me!”

James jumped up a mile when he heard Sirius scream.

“Bloody hell!!! This is no popcorn!! This taste like someone’s crap!”

James wrinkled his nose as he remembered the colour and the pattern. “I hate to tell you this, but it’s probably bird droppings?”

“UGH!” Sirius decided to go to the kitchen to wash the taste away with pumpkin juice.

James then took nibbles of the remaining jellybeans and found out that all of them were the bad kinds. “Did Remus . . . no. That is not in his nature. Or maybe we are becoming an influence on him?”

Remus wearily walked into the dorm after a study session at the library. All he wanted to do now was to crash into his cosy bed. Just as he was about to fall into it, he felt someone grab his arms and spin him around.

Blinking, Remus saw that James was holding his arm, Sirius was glaring at him with his arms crossed, and Peter was looking clueless. “Yes? Do you guys need something?”

“Did you give us the bad barrel on purpose?” Sirius demanded.

“The jellybeans?” Remus asked innocently.

“Yes. The jellybeans,” James said calmly.

Remus hid a grin by turning his head to the side. “Maybe.”

“That’s a yes in my language.” James let go of Remus’ arm and stared at him. “Why?”

“You guys said you owe me, right?” Sirius and James nodded. “Well, now you don’t owe me since I decided to pull a prank on you guys as a favour to myself.”

Raising an eyebrow to each other, Sirius and James silently communicated. Then all four of them just lost it. They started to laugh hysterically.

“I can’t believe you did that, Remus!” James exclaimed wiping tears away. “You do have a mischievous side after all!”

Peter butt in and said, “Yeah. You don’t look like the type.”

“I guess I do. I also suspected you were going to do that to the poor headmaster. I think with his history of the jellybeans, he went through enough. So I figure he should get a barrel of nice jellybeans for once.” Remus felt comfortable. He wished he had interacted with the other three sooner, but now was as good a time to start as any in his opinion.

“Well you are certainly clever, that’s for sure. You’ve got a marauder’s mind,” said Sirius, slapping a hand on Remus’ thin shoulder. “I just wish I knew how you got that talent of picking out jellybeans though.”

Remus stopped smiling for a second. “Oh, it’s nothing. Like I told James, it’s from many years of eating those things.”

“You must have suffered a lot then.” Sirius nodded in sympathy.

“Eh, the suffering was worth it I suppose.” Remus looked back at them and smiled with force.

“Remus, you are cooler than we thought. We’d be honoured if you’d join us. We’d love to hear more of your ideas, especially against the Slytherins!” James, stubborn as a mule was determined to use this opportunity to allow Remus to join in the small group.

A few minutes passed before Remus smiled a true smile. “That’d be terrific. I’m honoured that you’d want to include me.”

“Well you certainly convinced us,” said Sirius, who wasn’t like James. He had doubts on whether someone as quiet as Remus would be rambunctious enough.

“Come on!” James’ eyes sparkled in mirth. “Let’s start planning!”

The four boys got in a circle on the floor and started to conspire against the Slytherins, Filch, and even girls they thought were annoying. Remus’ sleepiness disappeared as he got into the spirit of the group. He felt happy; he felt like he had found his pack.

Albus Dumbledore, the esteemed headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, had three weaknesses. Socks, sherbert lemons, and Bertie Bott’s Jellybeans. He smiled at the rapidly decreasing barrel of jellybeans. So far he had the best of luck and all of the beans were good flavours.

Albus chuckled as he ate a chocolate flavoured one. “Ah, chocolate. I am quite enjoying these as much as Remus is finally enjoying the group he belongs with. Life could not be better at the moment.”

Today is our last night together. I can feel it in my bones.

I don’t want our relationship to end. I dread it.

Yet, I understand it all together.

I know you are cheating with Lily. I didn’t do anything to stop it. What is there for me to prevent you from seeing her? She’s not an accursed beast like I am. She is so perfect and normal.

She has what I could never have: normalcy.

Normal . . . what is the definition of that word? Normal is something I was before that night. But that is all gone now. For the rest of my life, I will be shunned from society.

Lily . . . perfect Lily. She’s a beautiful young woman. Her tall, slender frame is a perfect match for you. The way her gorgeous red hair tumbles down her shoulder just enhances her beauty. Her bright green eyes, the colour of emerald, look deep into your soul.

No wonder you prefer her to me.

I’m a fool to believe that you’d stay with me forever. No one would want to stay with me. I hate self-pity, but this is more than so . . . this is reality for me.

I am at the shack now. This is where we always meet. You’d somehow get Sirius and Peter to go on a wild goose chase and sneak over here. The Marauders’ Map has been taken away by Filch, and the other two aren’t able to look at it to see where we are.

It is so cold. Even the warming charm didn’t help the freezing breezes. The weather is so dark and gloomy; that fits my mood perfectly.

I sense you coming through the secret passage. You have on your invisibility cloak, but I always know when you are around. You take off your cloak, and I see you standing there.

I try to smile, and I fail.

You, on the other hand, smile and ask me how I am. I answer shortly saying I’m fine.

I didn’t want the next events to come. I know what is coming.

I see you walk closer to me. You start kissing me slowly; I feel your slick tongue seeking entrance, and I surrender to you.

The way you kiss makes me forget about everything in the world. I try to enjoy it, and I moan into your mouth. Deep in my heart, I wonder if this is how you kiss Lily now. You said that I was your first and that kissing a girl was very awkward. I doubt it’s awkward now.

While we are kissing, you manoeuvre us towards the bed. I feel the bed on the back of my legs, and I fall back on it, tumbling both of us onto the bed. I grab and hold onto you tightly, making sure this is reality, and you are not an apparition. Oh, Merlin. I do not want this night to end.

You are making love to me for one last time. I enjoy every moment of it; I memorise every movement and sound we make. This is too surreal. I try to hold onto the pleasure you give me, but it will soon drift away . . .

We cuddle till we get our strength back. The way you simply cuddle me just spins my world. When did I become so addicted to you in such a short period of time? Your touches, your voice, your unkempt hair . . . I just love everything about you.

And now you are here to take that away from me.

As much as I love you, I feel hatred towards you for that one moment. Not only you, but I also feel contempt for Lily; to that werewolf that changed my life; and to me. Above all, I hate myself for being cursed.

You look apologetic and sombre, so unlike your arrogant, cheery self. You tell me that this has to end. You say you are engaged to Lily now. You look at me closely for any kind of reaction that might have set me off.

I want to scream and cry. I want to beg on my knees for you to not go. I want time to stop at the instant we were cuddling. I want to hit you for cheating on me.

Yet, I do nothing.

Instead, I smile and congratulate you. I say that I understand your predicament and that Lily is perfect for you.

Your face brightens with a huge smile. I force myself to smile as well. You say that I’m the best for understanding you. But I don’t. I don’t understand anything anymore.

You get up and get dressed. You ask if I am going back to Hogwarts with you. I shake my head. You say you will see me later. I nod.

Once I know you are out of bounds, I curl up in a foetal position.

The only thing I can do now is to cry. I do, and I don’t stop.

I’ve lost you to Lily . . . I admit defeat.