Word Count: 8,118
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, Humour, AU
Notes: After seeing a wedding picture of a friend, I got the plot bunny. A whacked up one at that. Thanks to Stefanie for calming me down when I got into a little plot-block. Also much thanks to Under Lucius for betaing!
Summary: Remus and Sirius want to legalise their relationship. However, the Wizarding world is just as homophobic as the Muggle world. So they find a way to get legalised.
Pairing: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin with side dish of Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley and Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Warnings: Slash, Men in Drags.
Dedications: Dawnatello, you and hubby deserve all the happiness in the world. Happy early/late Anniversary!
Completed Date: August 22, 2005
Sirius let out a sigh and kicked the chair in front of him. “Damn the Wizarding and the Muggle world!” He paced around the sitting room of the flat he shared with his lover, Remus. “Them and their damned homophobic views!”
Remus, who was sitting in an armchair, rubbed his own forehead. “Sirius, calm down. There is nothing we can do about it. If we cannot legalise our relationship, then we just have to let it go.”
“But Remus!” Sirius wailed in frustration. “I wanna get married to you! I love you!”
“So do I, Sirius, but no can do.”
Harry, Sirius’ godson, looked up from the couch he was sharing with Hermione. “This really isn’t fair. You two contributed so much to the Order and the war against Voldemort.” He let out a sigh. “There must be a way.”
Harry stood up and went to the front of the fireplace, studying the pictures that were hung above there. He looked and smiled. One of them portrayed the Marauders with Lily; all of them looked happy and carefree. Harry frowned as he noticed that something was missing. Peter was missing. He looked closer and saw that the place where Peter used to be was replaced with a stuffed pink bunny. He sniggered to himself knowing that Sirius had hexed it there.
Harry looked around the room. Hermione was bent over on the couch with a huge book in her lap. Ron, who had been standing behind his girlfriend, took Harry’s spot on the couch. “Hermione, can’t you ever stop reading for once?”
“Hush, Ron.” She glanced up at her lover and smiled. “I am trying to see if there is a way to bypass those stupid laws which are just wholly unjust.”
“Hermione, give it up.” Sirius breathed out in resignation. “Remus already looked, and there is no way to bypass it.”
Hermione stood up and glared. “Well, you never know. You said it yourself during the war that I was the best researcher the Order ever had, so I’m putting the same use into this situation, and it is all for you and Remus.”
“That’s not what I meant, Hermione,” said Sirius, trying to amend the comment he made previously.
“Okay. Understood.” Her glare lessened a bit. “However, I will continue my research at home.” She nodded to Ron. “Come on. We are leaving.”
Ron groaned. “That means no sex for the next few weeks until she gets to the bottom of this.”
“With that comment, make that a few months, Ronald Weasley!” Hermione Apparated away.
Ron grumbled under his breath, “Exaggerator.” He nodded his goodbyes to the other three and disappeared as well.
Harry smiled as his best friend left the usual way. “Those two are unbelievable.”
Remus chuckled. “Yeah. From the sitcoms I’ve seen, those two will be perfect.” Remus was born into a family of half and half. His father a Wizard and his mother a Muggle, Remus had the privilege of growing up in both realms. He respected both worlds, but at times like this, he hated both.
He glanced at his lover. Sirius, who grew up in a Wizarding world, had a fascination for the Muggle world. Because of growing up in a Pureblood family, he rather disliked the Wizarding world and preferred to be in the Muggle one. However, once he found out that the Muggles were just as homophobic as the former, he was crushed.
Harry stretched and hugged Sirius. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure Hermione will find a way to go around the damned laws.” He embraced Remus as well. “In the meantime though, I have to go.”
Remus smiled gently. “Got a date?”
“Yeah I do.”
Scowling, Sirius stared at the wall in front of him. “With that ‘greasy bastard’, I’m guessing.”
“Oh, Sirius.” Harry laughed. “You will never change and neither will he. Like when I said I was going to see you, he said ‘With the dirty old mutt, I presume’.”
Remus stifled a laugh as Sirius’ scowled deepened. With a wave, Harry left.
“Damned Snape,” grumbled Sirius.
Remus walked over and kissed the back of his lover’s neck while his arms wrapped around the firm body. “Don’t let that get to you, love.”
“What if I do?”
“Then no sex for the next few weeks,” Remus deadpanned.
“You wouldn’t, and what is with all this ‘no sex’ crap?” exclaimed Sirius, his face paling. “Plus you’re hornier than I am!”
“But I have a stronger willpower.” Remus swatted his arse and walked away.
“You’re going to get it!” Sirius chased after his lover, all the way to their room. Upon reaching there, Sirius pounced on Remus, causing both of them to fall on their bed. Sirius started tickling the nimble body beneath him.
“Sirius!” Remus gasped out, laughing at the same time. “Stop!”
Amused, Sirius let go and nuzzled the neck. Slowly, he started to kiss and suck the soft skin. He felt Remus’ arms going around him, and they tightened their hold on him. “Love you, Sirius.”
Looking up at his lover’s face, he bent down to kiss the supple, inviting lips. “Love you too.”
“I’ve found a solution,” said Hermione, with a huge smile on her face.
A week had passed since the small gathering. Everyone else was back, with the addition of Severus, who had come because of Harry’s pleading. They were all in the sitting room and lounging around when Hermione bought up the subject of marriage.
“It’s bloody brilliant, in my own opinion,” stated Ron with a serious expression. “And I think it’ll work out as well.” Ron and Hermione were both sharing the couch again, and Hermione’s lap was free of books this time.
Harry grinned widely and took Severus’ hand. They were both standing, leaning against the wall. “Well don’t keep us all in suspense! Do tell.”
“Well,” Hermione began. “Basically what we need to do is have those two separate. Then the man of the relationship will pretend to be going out with a new woman, but instead, that woman will be Remus or Sirius. Whoever decides to be a woman will be glamorised, and he will be posing as a woman for the next few months in public to show that Sirius or Remus has a new lover. The two of them will get married as a heterosexual couple, and once the Ministry finds out the truth, they have no say in it whatsoever. The only way the marriage can be cancelled by any method is for them to have a divorce. Of course, there is the issue where Remus will be known as something else on the marriage certificate, but we can work that out later.”
Everyone stared at Hermione, except for Ron and Severus, with their mouth opened. The silence was deafening. Hermione and Ron became uncomfortable by the quietness of the situation and had worried looks on their face.
“Sirius? Remus? Are you all okay with this?” Hermione asked, wringing her hands together.
Sirius spoke up first. “As strange as the idea is, I think this will work!”
Harry started laughing. “This is absurd!” His laughter dimmed and from the way his shoulders were shaking, it was not over. “It will work!”
“And I think –” Sirius started walking around the room, waving his arms around excitedly. “–that Remus should be the bride.” He turned to look at his mate. “Don’t you think so, Remus?”
Everyone turned to look at Remus. He was sitting in an armchair with a blank expression on his face. Slowly, he turned to glare at Sirius. He stood up swiftly and walked to the bedroom and slammed the door ceremoniously. Everyone gawked at the scene that just happened except for Severus, who snorted and muttered, “Figured.”
All the stares went straight to Severus with a questioning look. He ignored them and asked a bored, “What? As if you all couldn’t tell why he got annoyed.”
“Then enlighten us,” said Harry, wasting no time, not wanting to deal with another row between his lover and his godfather.
The Potion Master rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Dumb Gryffindors . . . why do I let myself suffer so . . . ”
Before Sirius could comment, Severus went on. “Are you blind, Black? It is plain to see that Lupin did not like being referred to as the ‘woman’ of the relationship. You quickly assumed that he would be the one to dress up in a bridal gown and be the one to prepare to look like a lady for a day. Have you not thought that you might have been the one to be in that role instead?”
As realisation dawned on the rest of the group, Severus went on in his lecturing voice. “Also considering the fact that Lupin is a werewolf and I’m guessing he’s an alpha, the alpha in him probably reacted strongly to the assumption of being something lesser. But no, Black. You forgot about who he was and decided to automatically place him as the female role. Thinking before acting obviously does not work for you at all.”
Sirius glowered at his nemesis. “Okay, maybe for a change you’re right. I’ll go talk to him and see what he wants.”
Hermione nodded. “That’s for the best. You guys have plenty of time, so go talk about it.” She stood and pulled her boyfriend along. “In fact, we are leaving now.”
Ron blinked. “We are?”
“Yes, Ron, we are.” Without another word, the two Apparated out of sight.
Harry clasped his godfather comfortingly. “Don’t worry. I’m sure Remus will understand.” He smiled. “I’ll see you later.”
The last remaining couple Apparated; Severus did so without saying anything else to Sirius. Sirius frowned at the spot where Severus was remaining a few seconds before.
He turned towards the bedroom and started to walk there, wondering if Remus was really that mad, and if he was, that meant no sex tonight. At that knowledge, Sirius groaned.
Sirius knocked on the room and received no answer. He decided to enter anyway. He looked around the small, but cosy bedroom. There was a small fireplace right across from the foot of the bed. It wasn’t lit at the moment. The weather was too warm for a fire to be burning in a hearth. The huge four-poster bed, decorated in red and gold, Gryffindor colours, was made neatly. Remus was sitting in front of the window, which was situated on the left of the bed. The window had a padded window seat, and Remus sat there, looking outside at the bustling, busy streets of London.
Sirius smiled to himself and thought that Remus looked so ravishingly fuckable just sitting there. His smile disappeared as he looked closely at his lover. A frown was etched on Remus’ face, and Sirius remembered that he had to confront him.
He walked up slowly to him, the footsteps echoing in the silent room. “Remus? Can I join you?”
Automatically, Remus answered, “It is ‘may’, not ‘can’. And yes you may join me.”
Making a face, Sirius bit back his retort. “Okay, Professor.” He sat next to his lover on the window seat and stared downward. Next to him, Remus stiffened. Sirius paid attention to a lover’s quarrel below.
“Why can’t I get a job?” screamed the woman.
“Because, I expect anyone that’s going to be my wife to stay home and take care of the house!” The man growled out.
The woman recoiled as if she had been slapped. “I respect your views, but honestly that is so fucking old fashioned! It’s bollocks if you think women nowadays are going to be satisfied with being good housewives!”
Sirius looked back up to Remus. “Blimey. Is that how you felt when I suggested you to be the bride?”
Remus rose up and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed in front of him. “Pretty much. But I should not have overreacted.”
“No. You’ve had every right to do so. I shouldn’t have jumped to a conclusion about you taking the female role so quickly.” Sirius stood up and went to hug his mate. “I’m sorry, Remus.”
Remus snuggled into Sirius neck and stayed there comfortably. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
Sirius kissed the top of Remus’ head and deeply breathed in the aroma called Remus. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” Remus reached and planted a gentle kiss on the lips of his lover in which he started to tease. Sirius groaned and deepened the kiss. The two tongues were fighting for domination until Sirius finally gave in, and Remus took over. He slowly manoeuvred them toward the bed, and Sirius fell back on it with Remus on top. As Remus explored the sweet cavern, his hands slipped under the shirt and started their adventure of roaming over Sirius’ torso.
Sirius forced himself to come to sense and stopped the kiss. “Remus? So what are we gonna to do about the dress thing . . . ?”
“Shh.” Remus went back to kissing his mate beneath him. “Worry about that later . . . I . . . just . . . want . . . you . . . now.”
“Yes,” groaned Sirius. “Later.”
Remus shushed him with another kiss. “Quit talking. Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much during sex?”
Grinning, Sirius replied back, “So do you.” He wrapped his arms tighter around the lithe body on top of his and started kissing his lover’s neck. “But talking’s good.”
“So how are we doing this, Hermione?” asked Remus.
Everyone was gathered at the flat again later on in the week. After the make up sex, Sirius and Remus talked about the subject amongst themselves. Sirius had offered to be the woman of the two, but Remus said he would do it. He said that after thinking about it to himself, he couldn’t ever see Sirius as a female. Sirius was taller and buffer compared to Remus, who was shorter with a figure that was slender and lithe.
The catch was that Sirius was not to expect Remus to take the role further after the wedding, or he’d be in trouble. Sirius agreed.
Hermione still doubted Remus’ decision and therefore explained the process tentatively.
“Well, I read up on glamour spells, and there are ways to change one’s appearance with it. Sirius can cast it since the spells are similar to Transfiguration in nature. For at least the next few months, whenever you are in public, Remus, have Sirius enchant you as a woman, and Severus offered to make a potion that will make your voice become higher. You will not feel anything of the glamour, such as you would not feel the long hair, make up, or etcetera. The only thing you will feel is the clothes. You just have to wear female clothes along with your glamour. That is basically it. And I know I said before that you are to only look like a woman for one day, but the few times you go out in public, will be more convincing if you were a woman. Not to mention, you will know how it feels by the time you get married. Oh, yes, and the person who cast the spell is the only one who can undo it.”
Incredulously, Sirius asked, “Snape offered? Since when does he offer anything?”
“I would be careful on what you say, Black, or otherwise good luck in finding some other potion brewer to concoct the voice potion without them becoming too curious and suspicious.” Severus looked up with his classroom glare. “Do not abuse my current act of goodwill.”
Wisely, Sirius didn’t say anything, but he certainly grumbled!
“So shall we try the glamour spell out?” Hermione asked.
Sirius nodded, and she proceeded to tell him the list of spells.
“Damn, Hermione. How many are there?”
“Well . . . there is one for the facial structures in which you get rid of Remus’ facial hair and then change other parts of the face to your liking. Also, that same spell can change his eye colour and hair colour. Then there is one for the hair, to make it longer. Another to get rid of the excess body hair on the arms, legs, and chest. Finally, we have the one to change the body structure, in which he takes a more curvy shape of the woman and get breasts. And then of course it renders changes down in the crotch area.”
Sirius gawked at her and so did Remus.
“Oh, please,” said Hermione, rolling her eyes. “Sirius, you are the Transfiguration expert, so after doing this a couple time, it will become easier as you go along.”
Determinedly, he turned to Remus. “Well, love, what do you want to look like?”
Everyone turned to look at Remus. They were all curious to how he wanted to look like as a woman.
“You choose for me, Sirius.”
“Remus,” Sirius gave an exasperated sigh. “You’re the one who’s turning into a woman for at least the next couple months, so you tell me how you want to look.”
Remus sighed as well. “Sirius. You are going to be the one casting the spell on me. If I described every single detail I’d want as a woman, it’s going to drive you nuts, and you are going to forget minor details along the way, and I will end up looking different every time. So to make this easier on both of us, I suggest you create an image of me and stick with it.”
Everyone was silent as Remus’ explanation sunk in his or her minds.
“He does have a point,” Hermione agreed. “So Sirius, do you have a mental image of Remus as a woman?”
“I do, believe it or not.”
“Then cast the spells.”
With a deep breath, Sirius flicked his wand and said the incantations. Everyone watched Remus slowly changed.
First noticeable change was that his shaggy hair grew longer and reached the middle of his back. The hair was slightly wavy and the colour changed from light brown to medium brown. The excessive hairs on his arms, legs, chest, and face disappeared, just to be replaced by smooth, pale skin. The amber eyes became green, not as bright as Harry’s, but just as vivid. There were dimples in his cheek, and his nose shrunk in size a bit to fit his newly shaped face. His height remained the same, but the build took more of the female curves than the hard, masculine look before. Even the fingers looked softer and more feminine than the strong male hands. His broad shoulders became slighter. Finally his breasts were formed. They were not too flat or huge but were normal sized.
Sirius put his wand down and studied his lover in front of him. Before the glamour process, Remus was wearing a tee shirt and shorts. Now his shirt neatly came off his shoulders. Remus had to hold up his shorts to prevent it from falling. He was blushing deeply as everyone stared at him again.
Harry swallowed. “Blimey, if I didn’t know that was Remus, and if I wasn’t gay, I’d definitely hit on you. That is if I wasn’t taken as well.” He amended quickly after glancing at Severus. “Remus you look like Kate Winslet.”
“No, I say you look more like Nicole Kidman,” said Hermione, studying him critically.
Sirius laughed sheepishly. “Actually, I was aiming more for Julia Roberts . . . ”
Remus went to the nearest mirror and stared at his reflection.
“Sirius, if you were aiming for Julia Roberts, your aim is very off. I feel like Helen Hunt with dark hair,” he deadpanned.
Severus stepped up and handed him a vial. “This is the voice changing potion. The effects will last about three hours. So if time runs out and you got no extras, then keep your mouth shut.”
“Thank you, Severus.” Remus took the cap off the vial and drank. “Yuck. Tastes almost as bad as the Wolfsbane potion.”
After about a minute, Remus spoke again. “How do I sound?” His low tenor was replaced with a very high alto. Remus winced.
“Well, it sounds more girly that’s for sure.” Hermione looked at his clothes. “Let us go shopping now, Remus.”
Before Remus started protesting, Hermione butted in. “Relax. We are just buying a few blouses, couple of slacks and skirts, with shoes, and undergarments. Just the work. In fact, this can be our first outing!” She glanced at Remus’ bra-less chest. “Wear a jacket. It is a bit chilly.” It was late spring, but the weather decided to be a bit wet and clammy that particular day.
Remus went to the bedroom and grabbed a jacket and changed into a pair of jeans that was now big for him. He snatched one of Sirius’ belts and buckled himself snugly. “I’m ready to go.”
Hermione linked an arm into Remus’ and smiled. “Oh, yes, what are we going to call you now?”
“Linda?” suggested Ron.
“Ann?” Harry piped in.
Sirius looked into his lover’s eyes. “How about Vivian?”
“First you intend Lupin to look like Julia Roberts, and now you take one of her character and name him that? How original can you get, Black?” drawled Severus. Nobody was stupid enough to ask how Severus knew about “Pretty Woman.”
“I think it will work,” Remus smoothly interrupted. “Let’s go, Hermione. Let’s go shopping. Maybe I’ll finally understand you ladies’ love for such excursions.”
“Yes, Vivian, let’s leave the ‘men’ alone to their business. And we shall come back and show them the real ‘Vivian’.” The two of them Apparated away and left the others behind.
The remaining men looked at each other.
“Chess anyone?” Ron pulled out his portable chessboard and glanced at someone hopefully.
Severus thought to himself. The idea of socialising with Sirius left him feeling disgusted, so he decided to play chess. Besides, he wanted to defeat a Weasley and prove their incompetence. “I’ll play you, Weasley.”
Harry took this opportunity to start a game of Exploding Snap with Sirius, and the four spent the next few hours amusing themselves.
After a long day of shopping, Remus realised why men like him avoided such activity. How in Godric’s name women lived on this was a mystery to him. He was tired; his feet and his arms were sore from walking from stores to stores and from carrying the purchases.
Hermione made him try on item after item. He went into the dressing room, and he hated it. The cramped space bought him back memories of being locked up in a cage during his change when he was younger. However, he had no choice, so he had to endure the small area or face changing in front of other people. He never considered himself an exhibitionist except to his lover.
“‘The work’, eh? Seems more like a whole new wardrobe,” he muttered to himself when he was in the dressing room trying on underwear.
He did not like it when Hermione was looking at his glamorised breasts. Even though Hermione hadn’t meant the action to be a sexual one, he now knew how some women felt when men were ogling their breasts. After trying on couple bras, Hermione had declared that he was a 34 C.
Remus was grateful that he didn’t have to learn how to apply makeup. Wearing the clothes was good enough, or maybe bad enough for him. But nevertheless, he was still thankful.
After five hours of shopping, they came back to the flat. Everyone’s mouth, including Severus’, dropped open.
“Holy shite, Hermione. What’d you do?” Ron managed to ask, barely moving his mouth.
Everyone’s eyes were on Remus’ form. He was wearing blue jean flairs that made his legs seem longer. He had on top a white peasant shirt, and it was revealing the top part of his chest. He had on shoes with no heels. Remus had drawn the line about wearing shoes with heels. He said he was not going to learn how to walk in those while he was a female. Hermione reluctantly agreed.
Sirius walked up to his mate with an undecipherable look on his face. He took Remus’ face in his hand and looked into his eyes. “You look beautiful. If you were a real woman and I wasn’t gay, I’d go after you in a heartbeat.”
Blushing, Remus was too tongue-tied to say anything.
Harry shook himself out of his reverie. “Well . . . Hermione. You certainly know how to dress anyone up.” Everyone except for Severus nodded to Harry’s assessment.
“Yes. I have to agree with Harry on this sudden turn of event. I reckon.” Severus stood up from where he was sitting. “Harry, we should leave now.” He turned to Remus. “I’ll owl you more voice changing potion later.”
Harry said his goodbyes and Apparated with Severus. Ron and Hermione left as well, not before reminding Remus to go out in public with Sirius often so people know that Sirius and Remus “broke up”.
After they left, Remus talked. “Damn it feels weird to hear my voice as a man when I look like a woman.”
Laughing, Sirius said, “I still like your original body better.”
“If you do, take this glamour off, please?”
“Will do.” Sirius smirked. “How about changing out of the clothes first. Wouldn’t want them to get ripped after just buying them.”
Remus nodded and picked up the packages and walked toward the bedroom. When he noticed Sirius was not following him, he stopped and turned around. “Sirius, I am not going to become butt naked here. I am not that much of an exhibitionist.”
“Aw, Remus. No one is here.”
“Then you will sleep out here tonight since you seem to like this place so much,” Remus deadpanned.
Sirius pouted very cutely and walked behind Remus. Upon entering their room, Sirius closed the door and turned around. He saw Remus throwing the packages on the floor and quickly took off his clothes. Sirius pulled out his wand and said “Finite Incantatem”.
Remus got his normal body back and sighed in relief. “I think this is a bad idea.”
“But it’s the only way . . . unless you want me to do it.”
“No,” said Remus, shaking his head. “I said I will do it, and I will stick with it.”
Sirius crossed the short distance and wrapped his arms around Remus’ nude body. “I love you so much, Remus.”
“So do I,” Remus replied, hugging him back. “Now, though . . . I think you should take some clothes off as well. You have an unfair advantage of me.” He smirked and started to lift up Sirius’ tee shirt.
Sirius raised his arms up so Remus could take the shirt of easily. Sirius was about to unzip his jean when Remus attacked his mouth. Good thing Sirius was standing by the bed, or he would have fallen straight to the floor. His back hit the bed, and he started to kiss back.
Sirius pushed Remus back gently and said, “Make love to me, Remus.”
Remus groaned a yes and started to kiss Sirius’ neck. He nibbled and sucked gently. Sirius moaned at the attention he was getting. Remus stopped and looked down. “Of course I will. Just don’t talk.” He went back to ravishing his lover and made love to him.
“I hardly think this was a good idea to come to Hogsmeade . . . ” Remus looked around nervously. He was in one of his new outfit he bought with Hermione. Sirius and Remus decided to do their first outing at the Three Broomsticks on a Saturday.
Sirius glanced incredulously at Remus. “But Re–, I mean Vivian, you wanted to come here. You said you wanted some butterbeer!”
“Yeah, but I am nervous.”
Three weeks had passed for the two men. They figured that three weeks was good enough to make everything seem as if Sirius and Remus had broken up, and Sirius found a new lover. Remus’ exact words were “You have a reputation that you kept at school as a studboy before you and I got together, so it is not going to be too much of a surprise when people see you with a new a lover. Three weeks should do it.” They even planned a public argument at the Leaky Cauldron. Remus pretended to be really mad and said that he was going to go to Scotland until Sirius mended his ways and said that they were through. The people at the Leaky Cauldron were so shocked to see two of their war heroes being split up that the rumour mill went around fast.
“Don’t be. I’m with you,” Sirius took Remus’ hand and walked into the Three Broomsticks. “Hey, Rosmerta!”
Rosmerta turned around and looked at Sirius with an amazed expression. “Sirius, so good to see you once more, and . . . ” she trailed off. “Where’s Remus?”
“We split up.” Sirius answered hastily. “But here, I’d like you to meet Vivian.” Sirius smiled and indicated the woman next to him. “Vivian, this is Rosmerta. She’s the owner of the Three Broomsticks.”
Rosmerta gave “Vivian” a guarded look. “Pleased to meet you.” She turned and looked at Sirius. “So the rumours were true? I couldn’t believe them at all. But now . . . it looks like I am seeing them for myself.”
Remus felt bad for deceiving Rosmerta, but he knew this was needed. “Enjoy your stay here, gentl — I mean, Sirius and Vivian.” She walked away.
Sirius grinned and led them to an empty table. “What do you want to drink?”
“Get me a . . . ” Remus hesitated, ” . . . a butterbeer.”
Sirius walked up to the bar and ordered their drinks. Remus looked around and saw Minerva walking past him, giving him a suspicious look. He almost called out to her and remembered that he was supposed to be “Vivian”, not Remus. Sirius came back a few minutes later, carrying their drinks. He handed Remus the butterbeer and drank his own.
“So how do you like this place?” Sirius asked, trying to start a conversation.
Remus remembered to have an accent since “Vivian” was not from England. “Very nice. This place is cosier than the place I went to near Beauxbatons.” Remus forced a smile and put his hand on Sirius’ arm. “So this the infamous place I have heard so much about where you went as a student.”
Sirius grinned happily. “Yes. All the memories, good or bad, resides around this area the most.”
Remus secretly agreed to himself and was about to say something when a cheery voice interrupted.
“Well, well, who do we have here? Sirius? And who is this lovely lady next to you?” Albus Dumbledore with his benign smile, walked over to the couple.
Sirius choked on his drink and looked up at the revered wizard. “Oh, Albus, it’s you.” He and Remus stood up quickly.
“Albus, I’d like you to meet the new love of my life, Vivian. And Vivian, this is Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts. I’ve told you all about him a lot.”
Eyes twinkling, Albus took Remus’ hand and brought it up to his lips. “Pleased to meet such a lovely lady.”
“Pleased to meet you too, Professor Dumbledore,” said Remus.
“Well, Sirius, my boy, I must return back to Hogwarts. I do wish you and Miss Vivian here lots of luck. I do hope your plans all work out.” Humming, Albus walked out.
Remus leaned over to Sirius, “Let’s leave. I’m tired.”
Sirius nodded, and they both Apparated to their flat. Remus sat down on the couch noisily and sighed. “I think Albus suspects.”
“Oh great . . . ”
“Yes. Nothing ever gets passed that man. I don’t think he will tell anyone though. In fact, knowing him, he probably thinks our plan is very hilarious.”
“It is ingenious,” said Sirius, grinning madly. “I mean after all, it’s like we are acting in a play and succeeding.”
“I cannot wait till this is over. I do not like this, but such sacrifices must be made.” Remus sighed and started to take off his clothes. “I do not enjoy being a woman. No I do not.”
Sirius smiled and began to help. “I know, Remus. But it’ll be over soon before you know it and then after all this is done, you are gonna wish you were still a woman.”
Dryly, Remus said, “Sure. When Lord Voldemort dresses in a pink tutu and dances to the Swan Lake music, then that will happen.”
The next few weeks were either heaven or hell for Remus. He went out in public with Sirius often to prove that Sirius and “Vivian” were going out and are in love. Most of the other wizards and witches were getting used to seeing Sirius without Remus. Remus would come out as himself once in a while to prove that. Others had seen him with another woman, a friend of Hermione’s. The woman was an advocate for werewolves’ rights, so those two were seen together frequently.
After those few weeks, Sirius and Remus finally decided that it was time to propose to “Vivian”. Sirius dragged Hermione with him to the jewellery store saying he needed help with this ring-buying thing. Hermione agreed and came.
“How about that one?” Sirius pointed at a lovely platinum ring that had sapphires around the diamonds.
Hermione glanced at it quickly and answered, “Sure. If you are willing to pay an arm and a leg.”
That had been the tenth ring Hermione shrugged off at. Sirius was getting a bit frustrated. The previous rings were too feminine, too gold, too silver, or too this and that.
“Well, then you choose!” Sirius threw his hands up in the air in defeat. “What would you suggest?”
“Get a simple platinum band.”
“Hermione. Have you forgotten this is for a woman?”
“No, I have not forgotten, Sirius. Just choose a simple band for now Rowena’s sake!”
Sirius chose a simple platinum ring and asked for the price. The ring wasn’t too cheap or expensive. Sirius paid for it, and got it in a lovely box, with a strange look from the saleswoman of the store. But wisely, she didn’t say anything. Hermione stepped out of the store with satisfaction.
“Let’s go to my flat. It’s not very far from here.” Hermione started to walk down the street with Sirius following her.
As soon as they reached the flat, Sirius turned to her. “So what’s the deal?”
“Sirius. Sometimes I think your obsession with Muggles are making you forget you’re a wizard,” said Hermione turning on the lights with a flick of her wand. “We can charm not only for it to fit whoever’s wearing it, but charm it so it looks like a woman’s wedding ring.”
“Oh . . . ” Sirius blushed. “I knew that.”
Hermione asked for the box that held the ring and opened it. She said the incantation that charmed the ring to fit on anyone’s finger and made it look more feminine. She handed it back to Sirius.
“Beautiful . . . at times like this it’s a shame Remus is not a woman,” Sirius laughed out a loud. “Thanks a lot, Hermione.”
She smiled. “Now shoo. You have a dinner date to keep and have proposing to do!”
Laughing Sirius Apparated to his and Remus’ flat.
Remus was not comfortable. Hermione had talked him into wearing heels. They were low heels, but he still did not like them period. At least they aren’t too difficult to walk in. Today was a big day, so Remus had to dress up. Unfortunately, he had to dress up as a woman. Hermione had made reservations at a nice Muggle restaurant, saying that this was like a five-star restaurant for Sirius to propose in. So they both had to be on the formal side.
Sirius was wearing black slacks with a white button down shirt with a black jacket over it. Remus thought Sirius had it easier, while he had to wear some kind of cocktail dress, as Hermione called it, with painful open-toed shoes with heels. He admitted he looked nice, but considered this dress not for comfort. Hermione chose a black dress saying it went with everything and matched his date. Remus dutifully followed along and wished he hadn’t now. He came to a conclusion: Women definitely did not have it easier than men.
“How’s the food?” Sirius asked, breaking Remus’ deep concentration.
Remus smiled. “The food is delicious.” That was the only good thing in this entire ordeal.
“Yeah. Hermione said this place really got great food.” Sirius grinned. “And a good wine selection!”
“You and your obsession for alcohol.” Remus laughed and shook his head. “You are so predictable, in a delightful way.”
Sirius sheepishly raised his glass and said, “Cheers.”
Remus followed along. Sirius got a solemn expression on his face, and Remus knew what was coming next.
Sirius got up and kneeled down next to Remus. He dug through his pockets and pulled out a box, he opened it and there in the middle was a beautiful ring. An enchanted ring but a ring nonetheless. He raised the box and started on his speech.
“Vivian, we haven’t known each other as long as we should know, but I feel like we’ve known each other for a long time. I love you very much. Love you more than life can take. Vivian, will you marry me?”
Blushing, Remus actually thought this was a sentimental moment, and tears came to his eyes. “Oh, Sirius, yes!”
Remus raised Sirius up from the ground and kissed him fully on the lips. Parting, he said, “I love you, Sirius Black.”
Taking the ring out of the box, Sirius gently slipped it on Remus’ finger. They looked at each other in the eyes, and it seemed like time had stopped for both of them. Despite all the troubles Remus went through, and yet more troubles were coming, he knew all this was worth “marrying” Sirius Black.
Sirius broke the moment by saying, “Now for the wedding plans.” Remus silently groaned at the assessment and nodded.
A couple weeks later, Sirius and Remus invited everyone who were in the plot and were lounging in the sitting room once again.
Remus was his usual self. The only visible feminine object on Remus was the ring. It looked odd, but once the ordeal was done with, the ring would return to its original ambiguous form. They were here to discuss what was supposed to happen now.
“So now what?” Ron asked the obvious.
Hermione rolled her eyes. “I always forget how dense he can be. Ron, the most apparent thing to do now is for them to get married.”
“I know that, Hermione. What I mean is what’s happening next? Like what’s the next step?”
Hermione smiled widely, which gave Remus bad feelings. “Outfit shopping!”
All the men turned and gawked at her, except for Severus who glowered in the side. “Huh?”
“We can dress them up in Muggle or Wizarding style. Which would you prefer, Remus? Sirius?” Hermione jumped ahead.
The two in question looked at each other. “Er . . . ” Sirius rubbed the back of his head. “Not sure. What would you suggest, Herm?”
“Oh for . . . ” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Whichever you choose, it won’t matter because you are going to have to have the Minister of Magic there to verify.”
“Damn, Fudge,” Sirius muttered under his breath. “I’m surprised he’s still in there.”
“Yes, yes.” She waved her hands impatiently. “Hopefully he’ll be sacked one day, but it doesn’t look like any time soon. Let’s just deal with him for a few minutes while he gives you his blessing or whatever.”
“Sirius?” Remus turned to his lover. “What do you prefer? Muggles or Wizarding?”
Sirius pondered for a minute before he answered. “Wizarding. All you have to do is wear a robe, and the robes are not gender-specific.”
“Smart answer considering that if we go with the plan, changing Remus back to his original form would be problematic if he was wearing those wedding gowns.” Severus drawled from where he stood.
“I didn’t ask for your comments, Snape!” Sirius snapped.
“I think Wizarding style will be good,” Remus said, wanting to avoid any confrontations. “Besides, I am tired of wearing all these feminine clothes.”
Harry and Ron both laughed while Hermione covered her smile with her hand.
“I don’t blame you, Remus. It must be uncomfortable to say the least,” Ron said between his laughter.
“Anyway, all we have to do now is purchase the robes. The one Remus will wear will be baggier, so that after the transformations, he’ll be comfortable.” Hermione clapped her hands, happy that the plan was going so well. “So, ‘Vivian’, let’s go shopping.”
Remus groaned, while everyone minus Severus sniggered. He then sighed, wanting this to be over with.
Sirius and Remus waited in a room at the Ministry along with Harry, Severus, Ron and Hermione who were going to be their witnesses. Remus was posing as “Vivian” again. Only this time, he wore a generic white robe. Hermione had helped choose the robe, and even if it was a generic kind, it still had a soft, feminine approach to it. After purchasing the robe, they made sure it would fit him even after he transformed back to his original form.
While Remus wore a white one, Sirius wore a navy-blue one. Hermione chose that colour on purpose for it brought out the blue colour of Sirius’ eyes. Remus secretly agreed on that. And he was thankful to Hermione and everyone involved with the plan. Now he and Sirius could legally be married. Even if it was taking a long time.
“What’s taking so long? Do the Ministry honestly believe that we want to spend our lives in this room?” Sirius grumbled. “How long does it take for someone like Fudge to say the legal stuff, the couples to sign the documents, and poof, they are done?”
“Sirius,” Remus inwardly grimaced at the high sound of his own voice. “Be patient. They will soon call all of us in.”
“Yes, Sirius. A lot of couples are opting for this style of marriage instead of the old-fashioned ones at the churches. Going to see the Minister of Magic, getting his approval on the legal documents is a lot cheaper than the older ways. Saves a lot of the couples’ money, so I’m sure there are a lot of them ahead of us.” Hermione said, trying to rationalise Sirius’ edginess
Ron jumped up from his chair when he saw that the door was being opened. A Ministry official entered and said, “Sirius? Vivian? Minister Fudge is ready for you now.”
Everyone stood up. On the outside, everyone except Severus looked happy, but inside, they were nervous, worried that the plans wouldn’t go through. Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand and held onto it with his life as they walked stiffly through the hallway to Fudge’s office.
They all soon entered the office, and Fudge stood up from his desk. “Ah, Sirius Black is finally getting married to . . . ” he glanced at the documents, “Vivian. I’m sure you two will be happy together.”
Sirius nodded.
“Shall we carry on with the procedure?” Fudge didn’t wait for any answers as he went on with the legal oath that would bind the two together. After he completed the oath, he pushed forward the document. “Sign here, and then give your bride the ring.”
Sirius signed first. Then Remus did so as well, feeling uncomfortable using a name that wasn’t his. The documents were then signed by the others as proof of witnesses.
“I now can call you two husband and wife.” Fudge clapped his hands. “Now the rings.”
Sirius gently slipped the ring on Remus’ finger. The two shared a poignant kiss. As soon as they separated, Hermione stepped forward and handed Fudge the name-changing certificate. “Minister, sir, Vivian here wants to change her name to something else, and we need your signature here.”
“Ah, not a problem, my dear.” Without looking at the entire form, he signed his name. Then he looked at it closely. “Remus Lupin?”
“That would be correct.” As soon as Sirius said that, he took out his wand and undid the glamorising spells. Remus went back to his original body.
Fudge stared at them in shock, his mouth wide opened. “How, how . . . what in Merlin?!”
“You see, Minister,” Hermione continued, acting as a spokesperson for the group. “We do realise that same-sex marriage is not allowed in the Wizarding world, but we did find a loophole through it. And this was it. Remus here pretended to be a woman just so he could marry his true love. Once that’s done, all we had left was to change Sirius’ bride’s name to Remus Lupin.”
Fudge went red in his entire face. “You cannot do that! It’s not allowed at all!”
“Ah, on the contrary, Minister,” Severus said in his quiet, dangerous voice, making the Minister shrink back down in fear. “It is done, and the only way to cancel out the marriage is if these two ever want to separate. At the moment, the Ministry has no say on it.”
Sirius at that point grabbed the name-changing certificate off of Fudge’s desk, and Remus clutched the marriage certificate tightly in his hands. They all sighed in relief, especially Remus, as they walked out of the office, leaving behind an irate Fudge.
Before they closed the door, they heard Fudge scream out, “The public will know about this!”
“Oh, let them know! I could care less at the moment!” Sirius snapped out.
As they walked through the Ministry to get out of there, other people stared at the group. The ones who had seen them earlier remembered seeing Vivian with Sirius. Now they saw Remus instead, and the whispers of gossip went flying around them. The group ignored everyone, and soon they came outside.
“Wow. We got away with it.” Ron was having trouble breathing as Hermione tried to calm him down.
“For Merlin’s sake, Ron. Sirius and Remus should be the one having a seizure instead of you!” Harry exclaimed.
“But then again, he’s a Weasley, Harry. Weasleys tend to overdo things,” Severus said, ignoring the glare coming from Ron.
“Sirius, Remus, you are going to your honeymoon now, right? Wasn’t it Greece?” Hermione changed the subject quickly.
“Yeah. We have our floo connected to the Greek’s version of the Leaky Cauldron. We’re all packed now, so we can go there now if we want. After I change out of this robe.” Remus stated. “I am not wearing anything feminine for the rest of my life!”
“That reminds me.” Hermione waved her wand and the ring went back to its original form. “Almost forgot. Anyway, Remus, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad being a woman.”
“I guess,” he admitted. “I sure respect them more. That’s for sure.”
They all laughed with the exception of Severus.
“Well, enjoy your honeymoon, newlyweds.” Harry hugged his godfather. “So does that mean I call you godmother now, Remus?”
“Bloody hell, Harry. You call me that, I’ll hex you!” Remus exclaimed as he hugged Harry.
“Okay, okay.”
“So what’s our agenda tomorrow?” Sirius asked, as they lazed around in the bed of the hotel they were staying at.
“I figure seeing the Temple of Athena would be interesting. And other historical places.”
Sirius pretended to groan. “This is what I get for letting you choose Greece of all place. You and your Greek mythology.”
“Shut up, Sirius,” Remus said, playfully hitting his husband on the side of the head. “You wanted to come here too, remember?”
“Only because you wanted to, Remus.” Sirius rested against the headboard and sighed. “I wonder if the Daily Prophet is having a good time writing our ‘scandal’?”
“Who knows. They probably are. All I know is that I’m sure we gave other gay couples an idea on how to get married now. Unless the Ministry changes the loophole. Even if they did, it will take forever to get it through.”
Sirius tackled his lover and straddled him. Remus gasped out loud. “Sirius?”
“Sod the talking. It’s our honeymoon. And we all know what honeymooners do!” Sirius started to kiss and sucked the tender flesh on Remus’ neck.
“Of course I do; they put honey on their arse and moon it to their lovers.” Remus’ wide smile brought sparkles out of his eyes. “That’s why the name honeymoon came to be.”
Sirius paused in his movement. “That actually makes sense. Should I go get some honey just for that?”
“Don’t you dare!” Remus nudged his hips into Sirius’. “Finish what you started!”
“Your wish is my command. I love you.” Sirius kissed Remus deeply, and they soon forgot all about the Ministry, Vivian, and even the honey.